Before Memory Fades....

It is not everyday that a guy who is infamous for his cold blooded logic begins to write poetry. It is really surprising to note that all sorts off odd coincidences that trigger these stone hearts to pen something that reflects their softer shade. But once the wheel starts to spin, it does not stop.

And I believe I wasn't an exception. Inspired by some heartburn, I too took to writing. Usually the first pieces that one composes have their own share of lackings but are special nonetheless.Today, I am going to share three such pieces. Pardon their faults for there is more heart in them than anything else.

[*EMO ALERT*]

I. Malcontent 

Here I stand alone in the dark,

Waiting for you to light a spark.

You said you would be there when

I would need you but then,

When I look again and can't find you any more,

I shout out loud and I can not take it any more.

Drenched in agony and filled with fear,

Uncertainty stings my mind, loud and clear!

II. Miasma

I, edged on by frustration, ask you to return-

But you smile and say that you can't.

You want me to curse you but not to forgive!

But you urge me in vain for I can't

Be detoxified of the love which you did not give.

So, I hide in the shadows, waiting for your return.

III. Mellifluous 

Though my heart reeks of cold anguish;

Yet with every pulsating fibre of my body,

And from the forlorn abyss of my heart, I do wish,

The words, thy lips are to speak with wondrous melody,

Would be those saccharine words that my ears.

Tired of the cacophony of thy inexplicable charm,

Are longing to hear,

As they are elemental in keeping me from harm!

Just Another Choice

Life is all about making  choices. Some choices are tough while others are easy. A few of them might seem to be easy even though they are tough ones. I realized something the other day, a realization which you people have already come in terms with perhaps (or perhaps not) but sadly the realization comes a bit too late.

I am talking about  a certain choice that we often have to make about relationships that we are committing ourselves to. Before going into that, first thing that we should understand is that there are two very basic kind of individuals that we find around us. Now let us suppose that we have to choose between to such individuals to accompany us in this life and keep this in mind that both of them love you and you also have a soft spot for both of them.

How do we choose in that case? Before making a choice, let me give you my take on each of these guys who come from the opposite end of the spectra and I promise I'll be impartial to both.

Choices Aren't Good!

The first guy is what can be described as a "dominating badass". No I do not mean that he is into BDMS  but just that he is a bit over-possessive. Over possessive in what respect you may ask; I mean he is over possessive in a way that he wants to dominate every aspect of your life. He will dictate what you wear, what you eat and how you behave in public! He will decide what pictures you will upload in Facebook or with whom you will chat in Facebook. He will demand to know your password to keep a "check" on you! You will exist only for him and him alone. He shall not be your man but the epicenter of your universe.He will like you for everything except for what you really are, the he will mold you into a replica of the perfect doll he wants to play with and then he will love! But he will love you! He will love you to such an extend that a mere act of "defiance" against his "authority" is enough to make him contemplate on suicide! He shall force you into submission, curbing your free will. He will continue his rants unless he becomes your oxygen! Such is his passion! But this is no fault of his, it is how he has been programmed by his genes, rather primitive genes I
must say!

Now, let us come to the second oddball. This creature is such that nothing is able to restrain him. Please note that you will never be the center of his universe but merely the closest planet orbiting him and he also does not expect to be the center of your universe either.He himself is what is most important to him! He loves his freedom more than anything and will take the most major offence if anyone tries to curtail it. He expects you to respect his freedom and in return will do exactly the same.In fact he loves you solely for what you are and what you will choose to be. If you change according to the whims of others, his love will begin to wane! He will not give you enough time perhaps because he wants to spend a certain amount of time  for himself.He needs his space to breathe and will give exactly the same space! Equivalent exchange!And if you try to reign him in, nothing will piss him more.He is free and will do anything to remain so. You shall always remain secondary to his freedom. But he will love you and do all that is necessary to keep you happy( keeping his happiness intact in the process) and he will perhaps love you more than the first guy( a mere conjecture)

I am sure the choice seems easy now but it is really not so( is it?) once you grasp the full implications of it!
I will help you a bit in this respect.

The third  second update

So what do we do!
Are you ready to sacrifice all your freedom to be happy with someone or should you prefer to drop your ego a bit and accept the fact that you will never be able to exercise complete control over your beloved
Think about it!Think about this before making a choice because such a choice once made can not be erased.
If you have made a choice and feel it is the right one then CONGRATULATIONS!
Otherwise, if you have, like so many, have taken the wrong path, please spare a moment tonight to regret and repent.......That will be all, thanks!

Twilight's Grace

Another one of my "poems" from the forgotten realms of my diary. Well, this seemed to be a poem when I wrote it but it seems..uh...(how do I put it)..unpoem-ish right now. But, I will take the benefit of doubt and call this a poem in free verse. I am not much of a believer in the supernatural but I like writing about it, especially about the immortality of love. Death can never define the end of love. Love lingers on....And yes, this post is "Halloween special".

The mellow hues of twilight

Now overawes the firmament,

Lighting up the fleecy curls, hinting          

Mildly at the approach of Dawn. 

As Eos begins to grace the sky,

The heart of a forlorn soul beats

To cast away the the cloud

That shadows his conscience.

As the idle thoughts begin to stir,

Awakening memories which were

Painfully cast aside.He bears a doleful

Expression ,with a tint of agony on

His countenance , which conveys 

The turmoil  raging in his heart.

Yet he sits on his tombstone, unfazed

By the pain which he has learnt to ignore

And as  soft mist rolls by; silhouetting 

The trees and casting an incandescent glow,

                                             He hears faint, muffled cries echoing in his mind.

As the stars, gazing through the shredded clouds

Begins to fade and the reddened glow of Dawn

Soaks the Earth-- Inamorato, grotesquely mutilated

Begins to wither way and a subliminal distaste 

Takes his place!

Only evanescent traces of her         

Saccharine presence remains

To ridicule his wretched existence. 

But one still sees him smile

A self mocking sneer which

Conceals his hearts despair.

Yet no one is here to see him fade,

No one is there to place a red rose

On his grave.

Forever and Always,

Subhodeep Noir Sarkar

[August 2010]

Footnote: There was time when I used to listen to a lot of black metal, especially symphonic black metal and gothic metal. I still find the lyrics of this genre very "stimulating, if that s the word I want. This one was inspired by them. The basic idea of this poem (yes, I am still calling it a poem) is that of a Lover, an Inamorata, who is no longer present in this world. Yet the love that he had for his beloved is still present. This love takes the form of an apparition, an apparition so strong that it resembles himself. The apparition only bears love for his beloved. He is neither aware of pain nor aware of his surrounding. It is fueled by love and love alone. We don't know how the lover died or what became of his lady love. Perhaps he was driven to death when his lady love jilted him! But he still visits his grave (or rather his love does) and waits, waits for his lover to come and lay a rose on his grave. A symbol representing that his love is not in vain. But we do not know if his lady love is still around or felt/feels so strongly for him. Maybe he waits on his grave in  vain.Maybe he will never attain eternal rest. But he waits nevertheless!  

And yes!It is my job to write a poem based on an idea. It is not my job to force an interpretation upon my readers. I welcome my readers to interpret this in anyway they feel is appropriate. :)

This brief footnote is for those who says my poetry is too cryptic to make any sense.

And if you have read the post till this part, then I really admire you for your patience and a big thank you to you too. You are awesome!

And one final thing, all the images are property of their respective artistes/photographers. No copyright infringement intended. This post turned out way too much dark and gothic than I intended! 

   

Without Wings

It's that time again when I am going force some written lines which I like to call poetry upon you. But before that let me  warn inform you that : Most of friends have labelled me to be a failure when it comes to poetry.Okay I accept that my poems seldom rhyme. But I feel that if one forces to make one line rhyme with another then the actual beauty of the piece gets spoiled and  there is no law that says poems should rhyme , that against artistic freedom I think! So, I prefer to write in free verse; just to preserve the spontaneity. The following piece is one of my oldest compositions, I wrote it two years back one a cold December night. A very unfortunate incident which are an unfortunate part of growing up( read: heartache and headache) made me write this.
It may seem immature at parts but please bear with it. Thank you!  


Why, Love, do you lie so low,
Beneath the shade of some forlorn 
Withering tree? I see you lying 
Motionless, numb to the world of the living;
Your soft white flesh, besmeared 
With blood-still fresh and scarlet!
You are in pain and I am able to comprehend
Your agony. You are dying-
A slow agonizing death. As twilight’s
Mellow light falls on your countenance,
It shines with a deadly white pallor; a hue
Contrasted by the crimson blood flowing 
From your numerous unhealed scars.
You have been raped: raped of your
Innocence. You lie, twisting in pain yet,
For all these turmoil, only you can be blamed!
Your wings are brutally maimed and your face is
Mutilated. Blood soaked white feathers flutter about! 
Your scars confirm your unfortunate end.
Indeed, you were tossed and turned and turned around,
And brutally hurled back to the ground.

As I come closer, I realize that the warmth
Which I earlier felt in your presence has disappeared.
Instead an icy chill has taken has taken its place.
As I see my own reflection in your blood’s
Scarlet pool, I find my face, too, is scared-just like yours is. 
My hands are also soaked in blood and I realize that I’m bleeding.
Perplexed, I look at your carrion figure.

And, as if only to answer my confusion, you raise your
Feeble head. Though scared and bloody, your grotesque face
Still has the remnants of your past charm and radiance. But,
Pain overwhelms you and contorts your beauty.
You part your lips, overcoming your agony. I see that you 
Try to speak but your throat is choked with pain. 
But, I hear a feeble whisper, carried by the idle wind.
I hear you whisper,” After all, Pain is Love without 
Her wings.” 

Is she Love without her wings?

P.S : Sorry I could not keep my promise about writing the book review or the story. spending the mornings devouring the newspapers instead of writing (I write well during late nights and early mornings).I'm working on it and its taking  longer than I expected(ie, I am being more lazy than I ought to be! :P) and moreover, I felt like sharing this!

Forever and Always
Subhodeep "Noir" Sarkar 
[Original Draft written in  December 2009.]

..Ping!...

The last post was way too serious!I promise the next post will be something lighter.And, in case anybody hasn't has noticed, I have redesigned my blog! The previous look was too depressing.This is better, I think.Another frail attempt to bring some positiveness in the system.

And I just finished reading this "awesome" book called "Jonathan Strange and Mr Norrell" by Susanna Clarke. It seems the book was released in 2004 and met with positive reviews. I came across the title while aimlessly browsing through a page listing "25 Greatest Fantasy Novels" and instantly liked the premise of the story line and so ordered it in Flipkart.It took three days to finish the book and the book had quiet a few surprises!

Why am I rambling about this book? Well, because I have decide that my next post will be a book review (on this book, duh!) otherwise it will be a short story!.But that will take another week or so. In the meantime, keeping doing...uh...what ever you are supposed to do ( :P )!..

Mine!!!!!!

Working Class Zero

I was not going to post this here. I initially did not mean to but circumstances often compels us to do things that we had previously decide against.But I have decided to post it today because of the following reason. It is because a certain rockstar who goes by the name of Rupam Islam has named his live recording studio Working Class Zero. This is what I call a coincidence because a few monthsback just prior to the West Bengal Assembly election I was miffed! A sort of disappointed which I will not elaborate on ( I will discuss my political leanings later). But today after listening to his new album Nishkraman, I have somewhat changed my opinion. No, the revolutionary spirit is yet to die down! Maybe to survive it has just camouflaged itself! This few lines of (worthless) poetry has now lost its personal sting but it still applies to the general condition prevailing around us. Anyways here it goes, I present my Working Class Zero!

"When the frustration begins to crush you down,

You see the working class hero frown.

There are times when he can not take it anymore.

You can't help but wonder where he kept his sorrows before!

Unfazed by the turmoils of his time,

 He can no longer stand the wretched rhyme.

The rhyme, he had sung to keep him strong,

But the pain has been eating him all along.

We feel we have followed him in vain,

Would anyone have followed him that if men were not insane?

 He has been beaten down many a times before,

 But this is the last time for he cries, "No More! No More!"

 Oh!The working class can't stand him anymore!

 The working class hero is not a hero anymore!"
                         -Noir

  By the way, I wrote this when I was frustrated, angry and everything in between with this world! So some of this thoughts are hyperbolic and a lot of them are a product of my exaggerated imagination!And by the "wretched rhyme i am referring to John Lennon's Working Class Hero. And I don't consider it wretched.I call it so from the point of view of the Working Class Zero
So, NO offense to everyone! :) :D

Nishkromon Album and Inlay: The thing that made me changed my mind!