Impostor Syndrome

Tried to write something after quite sometime but guess what, I am still not an ounce good. But you know how it is with poets and poetry : self expression and appreciation is what helps to keep the sanity intact..

The impostor syndrome, sometimes called impostor phenomenon or fraud syndrome, is a psychological phenomenon in which people are unable to internalize their accomplishments. Despite external evidence of their competence, those with the syndrome remain convinced that they are frauds and do not deserve the success they have achieved. Proof of success is dismissed as luck, timing, or as a result of deceiving others into thinking they are more intelligent and competent than they believe themselves to be.

                                                                             -Wikipedia.

I have tried to abandon the world that I

Thought did not believe in me. 

Tired of their mocking, I tried to seek out

A place to hide ; I hid inside my head.

Discarding the joys as senseless poetry,

I built my house using the "hard hammer of prose".

But alas! A failed workman I am; For I built 

A castle among the clouds standing upon 

Pillars of sand on a turbulent sea shore!

Soon enough, the tides came in, 

And the neutral water ate in the foundations of

My world like vitriol, 

And my castle fell , I was without a home!

I now live in a world that is make believe,

A world that refuses to exist, for it is losing its meaning.

The world that I had abandoned not long back has closed its

Doors for me but allows me to observe happenings through 

A glass window, tempting me to break in!

But it is not worth the effort, for I fear I am no longer wanted.

No hands reach out to me anymore for 

I had rebuked their earlier overtures.

So, for now, I fear that I am an outcast;

Who must serve the whims of this cruel fantasy.

Till my back snaps and I fall under the weight of my regrets,

I must smile for these are  really trivial things. 

Nothing more than empty musing, 

These banal thoughts can wait as

Poetry never cures anything.

-Forever and Always

Subhodeep (Noir) Sarkar

Oct 26th, 2012

I don't own this. Peace.

Rigor Mortis

Posting something after a lifetime!For the record, I was not really suffering from any sort of writers block but I just shifted around my priorities a little; drawing a fine line between love, passion , obsession and ambition, if you will!And now that it is (almost) cleared up, here's a poem to celebrate. This piece is about a year old, about a feeling that haunts me on both sultry midnights and overcast mornings. Sorry for the dark/gothic-isque title.

In the void of an angst ridden mind,

The waves of disconsolation surge-

Only to amplify with time,

Forcing sorrows to unbind.

The eyes remain unfazed

But the migraine rages on. 

Questions once answered

Now disintegrate and fume.

Somnolent eyes are stretched wide open;

And the rancid hues of untamed envy

Fuels the hatred of the fallen!

Deprived of glory, the wounded pride

Conspires with time.

-Forever and Always

Subhodeep Noir Sarkar

The Quantum Chimera : A Demigod in the Making

Sukhno Kolpona (Parched Imagination)

Trying my hand at Bangla poetry, inspired by ROTR, my feeble first attempt!

Ei post e bhabhorito bananer khyetre uccharon-bhittik poddhoti onushrito hoyeche!

  

Exhale

Well, I should not be blogging right now. I promised myself not to, but I could not resist.Anyways, I wrote this one a few days back just to keep my anxiety for the next day's Physics exam at bay.

Love is not lost

Neither was it gained;

Seldom it is being exchanged

But it always remains

Forgotten,

Till some minute speck of memory

Comes floating in the wind,

Tingling our senses;

And inspires feelings 

Which-

Refuses to be awakened!

As the exiled heart,

Trapped in a bar-less prison

Desperately,

Reasons to remain numb

To the stark rantings of ecstasy-

Love lingers on, refusing to go,

Let alone be

Exhaled!

Forever and Always-

Noir

Before Memory Fades....

It is not everyday that a guy who is infamous for his cold blooded logic begins to write poetry. It is really surprising to note that all sorts off odd coincidences that trigger these stone hearts to pen something that reflects their softer shade. But once the wheel starts to spin, it does not stop.

And I believe I wasn't an exception. Inspired by some heartburn, I too took to writing. Usually the first pieces that one composes have their own share of lackings but are special nonetheless.Today, I am going to share three such pieces. Pardon their faults for there is more heart in them than anything else.

[*EMO ALERT*]

I. Malcontent 

Here I stand alone in the dark,

Waiting for you to light a spark.

You said you would be there when

I would need you but then,

When I look again and can't find you any more,

I shout out loud and I can not take it any more.

Drenched in agony and filled with fear,

Uncertainty stings my mind, loud and clear!

II. Miasma

I, edged on by frustration, ask you to return-

But you smile and say that you can't.

You want me to curse you but not to forgive!

But you urge me in vain for I can't

Be detoxified of the love which you did not give.

So, I hide in the shadows, waiting for your return.

III. Mellifluous 

Though my heart reeks of cold anguish;

Yet with every pulsating fibre of my body,

And from the forlorn abyss of my heart, I do wish,

The words, thy lips are to speak with wondrous melody,

Would be those saccharine words that my ears.

Tired of the cacophony of thy inexplicable charm,

Are longing to hear,

As they are elemental in keeping me from harm!